Continually soiling oneself in fear would be considered a negative thing for most people. But such is not the case with Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC), whose uncanny tendency toward uncontrolled terror-based defecation has paid off big time.
Depend Undergarments announced today that Senator Graham has been hired as its new spokesperson.
"I'm so excited by my partnership with Depend that I am literally shitting myself," said Graham. "Whomever said that extreme cowardice doesn't pay off doesn't know crap."
Even though Graham is best known for losing control of his bowels due to his over-the-top fear of the Terrorizers, he also says that wearing the adult diaper has other benefits.
"What most people don't know is that I also piss myself in fear at the mere mention of the terror group ISIS," admitted Graham. "As the old saying goes, after the thunder comes the rain, but Depend Undergarments has always come through for me in a pinch."
Kimberly-Clark Corporation, the undergarment's manufacturer, refused to
discuss how much it is paying the senator except to say: "It's a
butt-load."
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