I Feel Safer Already

First, we had the 24-year-old Bible-Beater with no science background -- and, as it turned out, no degree from Texas A&M despite his claim to the contrary -- appointed by BushCo as a public-affairs officer in NASA. That particular individual resigned in disgrace last month.

Now we have this:

The Bush administration has appointed 28-year-old former White House staffer Doug Hoelscher as the executive director of the Homeland Security Advisory Committees.

In his new position, Hoelscher will gather expert advice “on behalf of the president and the Homeland Security secretary” from 20 other advisory boards covering “key areas of homeland security, including threats to infrastructure and preventing terrorist attacks that use weapons of mass destruction.”

His experience?

Hoelscher has no management experience, a review of his professional credentials shows. He came to government in 2001 as a low-level White House staffer, arranging presidential travel, according to news reports. He earned $30,000 a year, salary documents show.

When I read about stuff like this, I wonder just how hard it would have been for me to get one of those choice positions in the Bush Administration.

First, I would have had to pretend that I was a Bible-beating, fundamental extremist religious nutjob. That probably would have been pretty easy -- just say the word "Ja-hEE-sus" all the time and act like a freaking idiot, and you're there. The hard part would have been pretending that I actually thought Bush was the greatest person in the world. I would have had to go around saying stuff like this:

It must be very strange to be President Bush. A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can't get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

That would have been tough.