Central Oregon Woman Figures Prominently In Turkish Anti-War Protests

Bush Vows To Subject "Agitator" To Ultra-Illegal Domestic Surveillance Upon Her Return To U.S.

From Wire Reports

For the past two weeks, Turkey has been inundated with waves of anti-war protests. Although this is not the first time such protests have broken out there, the latest rallies against George W. Bush and his War in Iraq are different in that most of them have been organized by an American tourist.

The tourist's name is Roxy -- her full name has been withheld for privacy reasons. Roxy has been a thorn in the sides of Turkish officials who are attempting to control all of the civil unrest that has coincided with her trip. "She has organized anti-Bush protests not only in İstanbul, Ankara, and Beyoglu, but also in Rize and Bursa," said Suleyman Evren, a member of the Turkish parliament. "She is a great menace."

So far, however, all attempts by Turkish authorities to capture and expel Roxy have failed. "She's wily, this one," said Turkish Foreign Minister Abdullah Gul. "We're starting to wonder if she ever sleeps." Below is a picture of Roxy sneaking out of a protest she organized in Izmir -- the police arrived only moments later.

President Bush, who was at his Crawford ranch today to engage in some emergency brush clearing, made it clear to reporters that Roxy's activities in Turkey will not go unpunished. "If you think the surveillance we conducted on Christiane Amanpour was unconstitutional, just wait and see what we have planned for this agitator," said Bush.

Press Secretary Scott McClelland attempted to minimize the President's comments today at a press briefing. "The situation with Ms. Holm is an ongoing investigation," said McClelland, "and as I've previously stated, while that investigation is ongoing, the White House is not going to comment on it. It is, after all, ongoing -- the investigation, that is."